January 3, 2014
About 3.5 hours after the flippant and ineffectual post I made to Ani D’s page, as perspective poured in, I was mortified by my reactionary behavior and made the following apology within that same thread:
“I appreciate all the feedback and acknowledge that my statements added unnecessary fuel to the fire. I apologize for any hurt I may have caused you, or others. I will consider your concerns and comments as I recommit to growing [in] compassion and clarity.”
I stand by that apology from December 29th, and would only amend the “will consider” to “am considering.” I am continuously considering your concerns and comments, especially with deep regards to race and privilege.
As I follow closely online it’s clear that many folks never saw the original apology (subsequent missteps noted) and are still questioning why I seem to have bailed on this dialogue altogether. I haven’t bailed on us; not even a possibility. What I have been doing is heeding sound advice from a friend who said, “This is one of those places where taking it in, the parts you agree with and the parts you don’t and just sitting in them is essential to the dialogue. This is [a] place where you just listen. Not forever but certainly for now. The dialogue is happening all around you. You don’t need to conduct it. Sitting and listening even when you have tons to say, even when you just wanna say ‘see i am not the only one’ is uncomfortable but is an act of solidarity. It is relinquishing just a bit of privilege. You know what you see. It is what you don’t see, that is where the growth is.”
I’m gonna go back to abiding by that instinct now.
P.S. Please, white people, do not rally around me on this matter in any way. It serves no one well.