Reply To: Week 2 Posts – November 28th

Home Forums Hauled Off and Hit – Workshop Forum Week 2 Posts – November 28th Reply To: Week 2 Posts – November 28th

#18930
Victoria Ruiz
Participant

Nathan, the second draft has a tightness that I didn’t experience in the first draft so the changes you made worked for me. I don’t see “you” specifically in this piece though I do feel it works in the way of mood and how it carries a haunting hum if you will. I liked the line about sirens singing around your head. ( as in real live sirens ) ( or as in the circus that plays in your head kind of sirens ) It was my favorite line!