Jessica,
Aside from a few grammatical items
They’ve have, in the second stanza,
an extra space between were and swallowed
maybe consider the “I mean” and the “But” and I really
and perhaps add a comma here? swim, I did it.
^^^ all very minor things in comparison to the fantastic edit you did! It’s so good! Yay, you!
PS..> I do not live in a glass house and TOTALLY welcome any grammatical observations in my work.
The bottom 2/3rd’s are the strongest for me as well as the opening line/s. I really felt an overarching inner-strength and fluid grace in this version as well! Well done!