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December 1, 2021 at 12:21 pm
#19080
hi Lisa!
I only got the title about halfway through the poem. When I did it definitely felt in sync with the somber feeling of the rest of the piece. I liked what you did with the noises, the child, the leaves. It might give more emphasis to leave out the introductory words (cries, shouts, etc). it also made me want to hear what noise the geese made in retrospect, haha.
I also noticed the play with line breaks. Some places it seemed deliberate and I really liked it, some places it was a bit distracting.