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December 2, 2021 at 3:25 am
#19098
Participant
There are some stunning lines/moments in here (“And guessing who’s there from a list longer than pi” and “Repetition never proved me right/Or took me home/Or bought me drinks”). And, in the spirit of heavy editing I’d have felt more connected to what was happening if what was happening had a bit more solidity, or story, or narrative. One place to do that is in the last line (“Until it’s bearable”); perhaps swap our it for a concrete noun?
xo