Reply To: Week 3 Posts – December 5th

Home Forums Hauled Off and Hit – Workshop Forum Week 3 Posts – December 5th Reply To: Week 3 Posts – December 5th

#19098
erin feldman
Participant

There are some stunning lines/moments in here (“And guessing who’s there from a list longer than pi” and “Repetition never proved me right/Or took me home/Or bought me drinks”). And, in the spirit of heavy editing I’d have felt more connected to what was happening if what was happening had a bit more solidity, or story, or narrative. One place to do that is in the last line (“Until it’s bearable”); perhaps swap our it for a concrete noun?
xo