Reply To: Week 3 Posts – December 5th

Home Forums Hauled Off and Hit – Workshop Forum Week 3 Posts – December 5th Reply To: Week 3 Posts – December 5th

#19180
Anonymous

Hey Justin, thanks so much for sharing your work! Calls to unity can be really powerful and really helpful.

I don’t want to get into critiquing your ideas too much but personally, as a person of colour, I find people advocating for colourblindness in society hugely offensive because it doesn’t recognise the reality that we live in or the lived experience of oppression and inequality that people of colour face. However, I’m not mentioning that to say you’ve upset me, just as a point for future consideration with this piece. I’ve travelled all over the world and met all sorts of different people and, while yes people are people no matter where you go, privilege and oppression are always relevant to discuss and consider as you examine anyone in their cultural context.

Once we get into the meat of the poem itself though I think you’ve got a lot going for you in terms of how you’ve structured this to flow. I do wonder if you’re currently a little too beholden to rhyme and whether giving yourself the freedom to break out of that a bit more might smooth out some of the language choices that seem to reflect the fact you needed a phrase to fit a certain way rather than how you’d generally communicate it. But a lot of that is going to be down to experimentation and iteration which is what makes any good poem great! So please keep thinking, keep writing, and keep looking for positive solutions. The world needs more of them!