Hey Erin, thanks so much for sharing your work with us! And a sestina no less! I’ve written quite a few of these and most of mine end up falling prey to the following statement, “I mean, it *technically* makes sense and is correct but…I’m not sure it’s hitting how I want it to.”
Your end-word choices here are bold and I think you’ve written something that does work. If you’re married to the form, I’d try to find ways to make this a little easier for the reader to follow. But, honestly, I really wonder what this piece would look like if you used this as a launchpad for a version without the initial constraints the sestina places on you. Your mileage may vary but I find I often get really interesting seeds using heavily constrained forms but that they grow best when watered with more free-flowing second drafts.