Reply To: Week 4 Posts – December 12th

Home Forums Hauled Off and Hit – Workshop Forum Week 4 Posts – December 12th Reply To: Week 4 Posts – December 12th

#19216
erin feldman
Participant

There are some astounding lines in here:
I pick apart grammar like I’m feasting on shellfish
I dropped drowning for flying and still getting use to the heights

this whole section:
Cause if death ain’t certain
I’ll close the curtain
And work on a new live performance

As for helpful feedback…I’d focus on the logic and trimming the fat parts of Buddy’s editing “rules” (do you call them rules? or something cooler?) because while you are definitely saying cool shit, I’m not always clear what it “means” in that logic sort of way.
xo