October 5, 2018
Everybody’s got a story that comes from a bad story that lives in a sad story.
Stop telling it. Perfect
probably isn’t what you think it is.
What are we even aiming at when we use that word?
There will be a lot of shooting.
Most of it won’t be straight. Don’t worry.
You don’t have to be good at everything.
There are so many people here.
If you really want to do something flawless
stay present. Your fate
is just another word for now, just another name for transmute density.
Meditation is critical. And mercy. Have mercy.
These bodies are a sticky hologram.
Being human does not require any further context.
Your expectations of me are not my responsibility.
Those are yours.
Everyone gets the same amount of time to live their lives.
I want to be a reliable narrator for living
so I’ll just tell you the worst of it first and be done with it.
Realizing the transparency of my neediness was dignity well spent.
Forgiveness is a matter of advocating for dignity.
When my body came home from the shame experiment
the first thing I saw was its resolve.
If you still aren’t willing to cut every loss you are not yet prepared to qualify.
Cut the loss. The story of it. I stopped being nostalgic
when I started keeping up.
Seeing a man run as fast as he can still gives me goosebumps.
I’m not scared to die, I just don’t want it to hurt.
I bet the biggest misconception about death is that we won’t care anymore.
I will never not love you.
Trying to hide the absence of your love is a mathematical impossibility.
You were the year I wished my life on other people.
Magnets are incapable of lying.
Darkness is redundant. I wanted us to be the truth.
I meant to do it correctly.
In loving gain of our memory. And mercy.
Do not flake on the blessing.
There is every such thing. We were every such thing.
I may have been grossly underprepared to receive love.
Was it even in this lifetime that we knew each other?
Tonight I painted my apartment and remembered every life I’ve ever lived
including the one where you read this.
Was I really too sensitive, or were you just too unconscious?
Maybe we work our way to the middle.
Maybe we work our way into what we are.
Why don’t you want to know what we are?
I’ll cut your costume loose. Cut you right out of it.
When something is absent it is absolutely not in your way.
Get in my way. Come remind me what we are together. Do it soon.
Soon we will have to say what we have to say to each other’s faces.
Mine is I love you. Mine is Have mercy.
I just wanted to throw something as hard as I could.
I wasn’t paying attention to what it would do when it landed.
* From Buddy Wakefield’s upcoming 2019 book, A Choir of Honest Killers.